Hi there. It’s been quite a while since I last posted something on this blog so I guess I should start by saying hello J

Let’s start at the beginning, my posts ended very abruptly last year when I started packing my bags to leave Thailand and come back to South Africa. It was a surreal experience, I got my departure date wrong somehow (thanks mom) and had to leave a day earlier than expected so I left ¾ of my things and Thailand and had a very rushed goodbye. This might have been a blessing in disguise now that I look back at that day.

I have been back in South Africa for a year now and it has crossed my mind a few times to do a blog update, but I just have not been able to collect my thoughts just yet. Well not until now. When people tell you exchange will change your life you kind of know what that entitles, believe me when I say you have no idea just how much.  There are no words to try and explain it but I’ll do my best to try. When you start debating the idea of going on exchange you are about 15 years old (at least I was) it seems so exciting, you get to travel, you get to spend a year away from your parents, you get to submerse yourself in a different culture and experience things you would never be able to experience back home. Every single part of it seems amazing! Personally I felt like getting away would help me find myself; help me figure out what life was about and how I could get on top of things. So I gave in my essays and went for the interviews and did some more essays and some more interviews and then it hits you like a ton of bricks. I’m actually going to have to leave, I’m actually going to give up a year of school and leave my family behind, I’m going to leave my friends and my boyfriend and my country and I’m going to go and live in Thailand. Don’t get me wrong, all of those initial emotions are still there but reality hits harder than you can ever imagine. So there I was, 16 years old standing in the middle of the airport feeling like I’m going to throw up I’m so nervous. I said goodbye to my family and friends and forced myself to stop crying as soon as I walked through the departures gate.

I had the most amazing year of my life, yes I hated the first few weeks but my goodness was it worth it. I grew up, in more ways than one. I had so much fun exploring, learning and trying new things. I travelled; I got to see parts of the world that I don’t know if I ever would have seen otherwise. I made lifelong friends that made every step of the way worthwhile. One of the very best parts, I got a second family. There is no way I could ever even try to make you guys understand how amazing it is when you find pure love and appreciation for another  family in your heart. I miss them so much. I am so grateful for every minute of my year as an exchange student. I am grateful to my family for letting me go and helping me every step of the way, I’m grateful to Rotary for giving me the opportunity, I’m grateful to every person in Thailand that took the time to teach me the little things, or gave me a hug, explained something to me, or just took the time to get to know me. I would not trade that year of my life for anything.

No matter what I don’t think I could have prepared myself for what it was like to come back home from exchange. I think I might even have been more scared to come back than I was leaving in the first place. I don’t know how to talk about being back home because even now a year later I still can’t fully place my emotions. The only way I can try to explain it is to say it is like taking me from earth and placing me on mars, just when I get used to mars take me away from mars and place me somewhere in the universe where all I can do is float. I have never been so lost in my life. While I had been away my grandmother found out she had cancer and I had to face the implications of that first hand for the first time.  A few weeks after I got home my parents got divorced. We had to move. Most of my friends had moved on and made new friends and some of them just weren’t at all the way I remembered them. I came to the realization that things would not work out between myself and my (ex) boyfriend ever again. I had to go back to school and get used to the reality that my friends where a year ahead of me and I had to try and make new friends all over again just after I left my new, new friends behind in Thailand. I had seen so much, learnt so much and I could not get myself to go back to normal life that was now not the normal I was used to at all. Everything was upside down and inside out and I wasn’t the person my family was used to anymore and my family had changed and life had changed and nothing was the way I wanted it to be or pictured it in my mind.

I don’t think I have ever been that unhappy in my life.

I have been home for a year and a few days. I can now finally say things are starting to look up. I never thought this would be my life at 18. I never thought I would have to find this type of strength inside myself at such a young age. I never thought I would be the person I am today and I’m so truly grateful.  There were a lot of tears I had to cry through, a lot of battles that left me broken and bruised, I was shattered had my heart ripped in two, I was broken. There were a lot of times I stumble and crashed, when I was on the edge down to my last chance, so many times that I was convinced I was over. But I had to fall, to rise above it all. I’m grateful for the storm because it made me appreciate the sun, I’m grateful for the pain and everything that made me brave. I’m grateful for my scares because they only make my heart grateful.

I’m so thankful for this amazing experience 

On the 10^th of September I and Cienna went to the Silapakorn University Wednesday market. We walked around and bought 10 million types of food and drinks and snacks we walked through the whole market looking at shoes and shirts and bags and CD’s and pretty much anything you can think of. When it felt like we might melt of the heat we found a spot next to the dam under a tree and ate all of our food. We talked and laughed at people walking by and then ran away from a huge iguana that came out of the water. We went to say hello to P’Nong at her office and then we went to get a Thai message. We spent two and a half hours in the message place being twisted and turned into weird positions, being squeezed and tickled and then we had some amazing Thai tea. Simple days like these make it feel like you are living a normal life, like you are doing things that people who live here would do. You feel like you are a part of the community. On the 11^th we went to hospital go to and see the new little baby that was born early that morning. My host aunt got pregnant a few days after I got to Thailand and I have been here for the whole pregnancy seeing the baby grow, I am so happy that I got to see the healthy little cute baby! He was beautiful, small and fragile and innocent and just perfect.

On a different note my Rotary district in Thailand changed the traveling rules in the district this year so I decided to take full advantage of it before I go home. We arrange for me, Cienna and Caroline a girl from Denmark to go and visit a Rotary club in the South of Thailand called Hatyai.  On the morning of the 14^th P’Nong dropped us off at the bus station and me and Cienna took a bus to Bangkok. When we got to Bangkok we took a Taxi to the Airport, met Caroline and got so brunch. Then we flew an hour and 15 min to Hatyai the most South province of Thailand. When we go there we got picked up by Rotarians and another exchange student Kelly from America. Then we went to the biggest dam in the South of Thailand. We took so many crazy pictures and then went to sit down next to the water and have dinner. I just need to say that food in the South of Thailand is so much spicier than food in the central and we almost died! On the 15^th we got a city tour of Hatyai. We went to see the biggest reclining Buddha in the South; we went to see the slums of Hatyai so we could see what people live like. We went to a restaurant and helped make Thai style doughnuts as well as meet some more Rotarians from the Rotary club. After lunch we went to a Chinese style temple. It was raining during lunch so when we got to the temple we played in the water for a little while and we went to see the temple, t was huge and beautiful and amazing to see. They have these big gold statues around the temple that look like warriors. Bpa Emma told us that people pay to have the ashes of their relatives’ put in there to keep them at the temple and I will never forget Caroline’s face when she asked if they put whole people in there, I laughed so hard. Then we went to a market at the university and walked around all over the market while it was raining eating everything we could get our hands on. That night we went to a funeral and then went eating again. It still amazes me how nothing in the world stops Thai people from eating.  On the 16^th we went river rafting two hours away from Hatyai. I and Caroline shared a kayak and we didn’t have a tour guide on our kayak to help us paddle or tell us what to do. 2 seconds into paddling it started raining and we figured out that this was harder than it looked. We kept turning around, going into bushes and bumping into Cienna and Kelly. Believe me when I say none of these things stopped us, we had such a great time figuring it out. We got stuck 20 million times and got out of the kayak to have a little swim and laughed at Cienna slipping on rocks. At some point we went into a bush and a spider fell on me, I screamed so hard and almost fell out of the kayak but eventually got the spider off me. Just a few minutes later one of the guides pointed out that this part of the river had snakes so we should try and stay away from the sides, so comforting I know. A few seconds later we saw a snake in the trees!! And then we saw a snake in the water!! I and Caroline FREAKED OUT. Right then and there we started putting some serious effort into figuring out how to work this kayak. Many screams and frantic paddling later we finally figured it out and had an amazing day over all. That night we went karaoke singing and then basically sat there sleeping because that’s how tired we were. On the 17^th we went to the botanical gardens and went to feed the monkeys. The monkeys were crazy some were so cute and others stole all our banana’s and looked like might come and kill us in our sleep but it was an amazing experience, then went to the beach in a nearby city. We swam for a while and then saw every single boat coming back to shore; we even saw big boats turn around on the horizon. We got freaked out because we had been hearing about a possible typhoon hitting on the shores. We got out and got dressed, when we walked out of the bathroom it started raining and seconds later you could hardly see the car right in front of you because it was raining so hard. We immediately started driving inward away from the beaches and soon got away from the worst rain and wind. When we got back to Hatyai we went to the black market, yes that is what you think it’s a market where you can buy anything and everything you can think of. It might be knocking off, it might be slightly wrong or illegal but you can get it there.  We had a great time and shut our eyes quickly and just kept walking! But we also saw some cool things. Then we all went to dinner together and walked around the funniest market ever. That night I had to say goodbye to Caroline and Kelly and that was so so hard, you meet people and you become good friends and you make memories and then you need to say goodbye, it sucks. On the 18^th P’Boy came to pick us up and drive us to Nakhon Si Tamarat. We went to lunch we went to see a temple and then we went home and got dressed to go to the Rotary meeting together. Taking a shower with a bucket and ice cold water seems like fun in the hot Thailand heat but believe me it’s not fun and having Cienna hold up the towel for you laughing herself to death doesn’t make it any easier! We went to meet up with Maia from Canada and Raul from Mexico before he Rotary meeting and then went there together. We were super bored and Maia started a one word story in a book she had with her.  We walked on that story for 3 hours and then Raul read it in a typical Mexican voice and we almost died of laughter. Small little things that Exchange students do and love doing make the most amazing memories. Exchange students are a special breed of people and I am so happy I got to meet them all.

After the grand temple I had a few days of normal life before my next grand adventure. On the 26^th of August I and Cienna went with a Rotarian from our Club called P’Mook, to help plant trees in the King’s elephant conservation. We left on the morning of the 26^th and drove all the way to a province in the middle of Thailand. Almost as soon as we got there it started raining but we would not let that get us down. We drove to the conservation park and got a short tour of the park on the back of a pick-up truck in the rain. I sat there with a useless umbrella, laughing because we were wet, trying to look for elephants in the rain and trying to understand what the guides were saying. It sounds horrible when I’m writing it down but it was soo much fun. When we got to one of the lookout points the rain stopped for a while and we got to see the most amazing view. The grass and trees were so green it looked like they might be able to glow in the dark, there were grass fields and mountains and fresh air and I loved everything about it. We only saw two baby elephants out of the corner of our eyes, 200 meters away, in the trees but hey we saw them. This conservation is believed to be the home of a white elephant, a magical Royal symbol but we will have to try again next time to find this elephant, no luck this time.  That night we had dinner with all the volunteers who were helping with the project on the beach. While the people were singing karaoke in typical Thai style, I and Cienna watched the ocean. We saw a lighting storm on the horizon and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, the clouds light up and become an orange/pink colour just for a moment and then it’s all black again, it was amazing. The next day we woke up very early and went to the conservation again. We stood in the very hot sun for an hour and talked to schools and took pictures with all the people who were there.  After a while we all got onto pick-up trucks again and made our way to an open field (no rain this time thank goodness). Every person got a small tree, me and Cienna called our tree Harry. We walked with all the little kids from the schools out into the field and started digging a hole to plant our little tree. We planted our tree and gave it some water and then went to help dig some more holes as well as make a salted pit for the animals to get vitamins from. We slid around in the mud for a while and then made our way back to the pick-up trucks; we didn’t see any elephants on our second day. It was a pretty amazing feeling to know that the trees we planted might grow up and make some shade for an elephant or maybe carry some fruit. I really hope I get to go back there someday to see if our little Harry grew up. It was a short but amazing trip. On the 28^th my school had sports day and my class had to dress up like zombies. The zombie looking part I’m not so sure of but we did have a lot of fun. We all got dressed up and then walked around the town centre to build team spirit and die of heat all at once. When we got back to school we played basketball, volleyball and had to run a lot. When we all finished we decided now would be a good time to go and take a nap in the French office. My friends from school are amazing and crazy and I will miss them so very much. On the 29^th I and some of my friends went to Bangkok to spend a day together and so that I could do some gift shopping. We walked until it felt like our feet were going to fall off, we got ripped off more than once, we had some really good pizza,  spent way too much time in the make-up shop and tried to get into the Hello Kitty Café. We made the very best of our last trip together before they start their final exams and I am so grateful that I can call them my friends! On the first of September I got invited to go out to dinner on a boat with a lady from my Rotary clubs daughter. When we got there it was raining really hard. We got in waited for the rain to calm down and then we stared making our way down the main river in Bangkok. We had a great dinner and enjoyed some horrible singing. After about 30 min the rain stopped enough for me and Cienna to go onto the top deck of the boat and look at the most amazing view ever. We drifted past temples lit up with lights and huge buildings and under enormous bridges. We waved at the captains and did a happy dance in the dark just to express how happy we were that we got to have this amazing experience. After the boat we drove around Bangkok for a while and then we went home. Once again it was a night that I could so easily not of had and I am so very blessed that I got to have that experience. On the third of December I did my goodbye speech at school. I wrote a whole speech and got all my teachers a small present and then I got up there, my heart stopped for a second when I saw 3000 faces stare up at me and then I opened my mouth and did my speech. I’m pretty sure I didn’t breath for my whole speech and I felt like I was going to faint when I was finished but at least it was over and done with. The 5^th of September was my last day of school. On my last day my class had to do a performance for school so we had most of the day off and I got to spend some good quality time with my friends. It’s amazing how much they mean to me in such a small amount of time. I can’t even imagine what school back in South Africa is going to be like without them. Walking out of school that afternoon was a mixture of “Thank goodness I’m free of this place” and “is it okay if I stay for another year?” all the memories good and bad were going through my brain and the only thing I knew for sure was that I would miss it all dearly. The school and the people from that school will forever be in my heart

Coming home from trips is always hard. I remember coming home from my first trip and feeling completely empty. The trips average at 10 days but in those 10 days you get so used to being around all the foreigners, you get used to feeling at home, you get used to speaking English again and not worrying about the culture that much, you just get used to being in a group of your friends. When you get back to your host family it’s like you have to adjust your mind all over again and it’s hard. This time coming home from the trip was easy, yes I had fun, yes I was with a group of foreigners but for the first time it felt like I was going home after a trip not like I was going to a host family after my trip and that is an amazing feeling. We got home and went straight to the new shopping mall that opened close to my house to go and get some things for Tata who was leaving for Canada soon also to go on exchange. Sitting in the car one the way to the mall we had four people, all exchange students at some point, P’Nong 20 years ago, myself almost at the end fr my exchange, Cienna in her first month and Tata 2 weeks away from starting her exchange, sitting there you realise how the exchange program really brings people from all of the world together. Shopping is always fun and if you get to spend time with amazing people and have great food while you’re at it why not. On the 16^th we went to Cienna’s school to see what subjects she would be taking and once again it was like sitting right in the middle of a flash back, the confusion, the fear, the uncertainty it seems like it just radiates out of new exchange students. On the 16^th we went to another shopping centre and this one I know pretty well so myself and Cienna got to walk around while P’Nong and Tata did some more shopping. There is something about walking around alone and being able to pick what you will be doing that day without a care in the world that makes me feel so free. We walked around the whole day did some shopping, ate a lot of food and drank an insane amount of coffee. This might be hard to understand if you are reading this but days like those mean the world to me and I want to remember days like those. On Sunday die 17^th Joy took us to the Royal Palace Wat Pra Kreaw. Walking to and around the Royal Palace is like walking in an oven, it’s about 40°C outside and you are walking in the sun. walking around at the Palace feels like you are in another time, yes you are around all these people but it feels so calm, so quite. You hear monks praying, you see the sun glistening on the shiny tiles and gold and silver these temples are made from. You are in-between these big buildings that have been there for the longest time but you still can’t believe they are real. When you walk into the temple grounds it seems like you walked into a mystical magical world and you struggle to keep your mouth from hanging open. We walked around we took pictures with some Palace guards and almost died of heat but it was amazing to see. We escaped the heat for a few minutes by going inside one of the temples, once you step in there it’s like all of your worries were left outside the door. The inside of the temple is painted so well it’s hard to imagine a person could actually paint that, the gold and silvers trees and ornaments are so beautiful it’s hard to wrap your brain around them being right there in front of you. It’s so nice and cool in there and you walk into complete silence, you sit on the floor and you just get lost in it all, it’s so peaceful, so calm it’s such an amazing feeling. We saw the clouds getting quite dark and decided it would be best to start leaving so we got onto a boat and made our way to the train station by boat. A river boat in Thailand is the most chilled out transport system ever. If the boat arrives at the dock somebody blows a whistle and you jump on, there in so limit to the amount of people that can fit on that boat if you can still stand there, there’s still space on the boat. A lady comes around and you give her your money and then you jump off wherever you want to jump off, it’s scary and great. We then mad our way to Central World by train and had lunch at my favourite restaurant just when it started raining outside. There aren’t a lot of days that go perfectly from beginning to end but that day was. The Monday afternoon after school I and Cienna had a few minutes to get ready for our Rotary clubs birthday event; we did our hair and our make-up and then went to the venue to be dressed in traditional Thai outfits. I love traditional Thai outfits they’re so pretty and so ladylike and I love it. We ate, danced, laughed, saw some of the other exchange students and I threw a glass of water out on myself classy right? We got some pretty nice photos out of it so I’m thinking it was well worth it. The rest of the week was filled with monsoon rain and school and I loved it. On Sunday the 24^th I stayed up all day and all night, partly because Cienna talks in her sleep so I couldn’t take a nap and partly because we were waiting to take Tata to the airport. We left the house at 2AM and got there at 3:10AM. We then checked in her baggage and sat in a coffee shop until it was time for her to leave. Seeing her face when she was saying goodbye to her family broke my heart because I knew just what she felt like in that moment, I knew how much it hurts. I gave her a big hug and she whispered this might be the last time I see you and that made my cry, she is such an amazing girl and I hope I will get to see her again someday. Then she made her way up the escalator and didn’t even look back, she was on her way to a year in Canada and I hope she has the time of he life. In just a few days I will be going up that same escalator, into the same international departures gate but I will be going home. I will be saying goodbye to this home and going back to my family. I can’t even wrap my brain around the fact that this year is almost over.

Orientation part 2

On the first night of the orientation we got our schedule for the rest of the week, yes we had a lot of 15 min breaks but we only really had a significant amount of free time on the last day. We were all pretty bummed out, and after the great excitement of the first day none of us were looking forward to spending the next 4 days in a conference room. Small things make a big difference in my eyes, small things are what pops up first in my brain when I think of memories, one of those small things was eating dinner with this group of exchange students, I am so used to eating with my group of exchange students were we push tables together, steal each other’s food and always start some sort of competitive conversation that normally leaves everybody in stiches laughing. Eating with this group of people that barely knew each other was very tense, nobody really knew what to say or what food they were eating, nobody had made really good friends yet and nobody felt like they could speak up.  Being in the middle of that atmosphere really made me miss my group of exchange students. Being right next to the beach and not being able to swim was just too much for me to handle so at lunch I asked one of the organisers if we could take the free time we should have had at  night away and go swimming in the afternoon, right there I screwed up the whole schedule because we went swimming every afternoon after that. Being in the conference room all morning meant we didn’t see the tide going out but when the time came for us to go swimming the water had gone out easily 60 meters, I have never seen such a huge difference in water level just because of the tide. Standing there it is almost hard to believe that such a huge mass of water could just move and be somewhere else. The Rotarians said they would take us to another beach and to the market while we were at it. Being at the market was so strange, I walked up to a stand and bought the drink I like, walked on and bought the snacks I like, walked on and got the lady to sell me a hairbands at half price. Then I looked around and the other exchange students looked like they were just dropped into a different world, following the Rotarians around and taking pictures of everything then I realised how this extremely Thai way of life had become normal to me. We then went to the beach and I have never seen anything like that before. I, Cienna, Flora and Alex walked straight into the ocean for 45 min and only got chest height into the water. It’s flat, you can just walk and walk and get nowhere. After 45 min we were sure nobody could even see us chest height in the water because we were just too far away, we decided to lie around in the water and then head back to the beach. Walking back to the beach myself and Cienna were walking behind Alex and Flora and the mud was getting in-between my toes, me being me I bent down picked up a hand full of mud and threw it at Alex. Things escalated quickly and all four of us were in a mud fight, after playing for a few minutes we walked onto the beach covered in mud and I asked two locals to take a picture of us. Not even seconds later more people came up and took pictures of us. We were not in a tourist area of Thailand at all so I am pretty sure seeing four foreigners walking on the beach covered in mud laughing is not a sight they will forget soon. We needed to get the mud off of us though and considering we had just walk 45 minutes to get chest height into the water that seemed like too much work. We walked about ankle height into the water laid down and rolled over. Needless to say it didn’t work very well so we walked up to the road and I asked people where the closest showers were. The lady who owned the shop where we were asking was so nice and told us we could use the shower behind her house (the shop is the front part of her house) so we took a shower behind a random Thai ladies house. We saw her mother cooking in the backyard, she was cooking in a traditional pot over a fire and talking to the lady on the other side of the small fence. She started talking abo us in Thai and I turned around and answered her, at first she laughed then she started asking me questions. After a while of talking an awkward showering we took a picture with her and she told us to come back if we needed another shower. Such a unique memory and such a rare experience in my eyes, I don’t think I will ever forget it. Later that night a few of the exchange students were sitting in my room looking at pictures of the trips we had been on, Alex called me and told us all to come to the beach. THANK YOU ALEX YOU FOUND THE MOST AMAZING VIEW EVER. We got to the beach and our jaws dropped, there was a super moon and it illuminated the sky. We sat there and you saw the dark ocean moving as if it was alive, the islands look like shadows in the water, you saw the silver clouds lit up by the immensely big moon, you saw the glittering stars fighting to be visible under the shower of light from the moon, you felt the water of the waves splash up against your legs while the sound of the waves fill your ears. I just sat there in a daze, afraid to look away because I might blink and wake up from this dream, sitting there talking to Cienna and Alex that view brought us closer to each other.  On the 3^rd day of the orientation we had some more speeches and some more presentations and then we went to the beach again. This time we didn’t go to the beach far away we went to the beach right in front of the resort and I think I need to take a moment to explain how much the water really did go out. The night before when we sat on the beach we had the water splashing up on our legs, that afternoon standing on the same spot the slightest bit of water was sooo far away. We stood there looking at the islands and took it as a challenge. We started walking and decided not to stop until we got to the islands that seemed unreachable the night before, so we walked and walked, screamed when we thought we might lose our toes thanks to crabs, we got into fishing net and saw the strangest looking things in the sand. After forever we got to the island and I and Alex were the first two on the island and claimed it for ourselves as the United African Island. What looked like this magical rocky forest island turned out to be not so very magical and much more rocky than expected, proving that sometimes things look better from further away. Dinner that night was better, the tables were pushed together, people were talking and laughing and it was actually nice. On Wednesday we were talking about the rules and regulations, all of a sudden a Rotarian put on some popular Thai songs and told us all to stand up and dance. At first everybody was just standing there a little bit shy and awkward, but after a few seconds everybody got into it and we had a really great time. That afternoon we had quite a lot of free time so we decided to walk all the way to the other beach we went to on the first day. We walked past a lady selling candy floss and all bought some, we walked along the beach and run in the water, we walked in the streets and through people’s parties next to the ocean until we got to the swimming beach. I really wanted to show all the exchange students just how fun it is to play a game called banana boat; it’s a game where you sit on an inflatable tube and you get pulled by a jet ski driven by a mad man with the goal of throwing you off and you just need to hold on (in my opinion falling off is half of thefun). When we were walking I was so sure I saw the banana boat in the water so when we got to the beach and it wasn’t there I wasn’t going to give up so easily. I took Cienna with me and went walking around the beach to look for the banana boat, because of pure luck I saw it next to a house and walked up to the house to ask if we could go for a ride, the guy told me to come back in an hour and he would take us out. We killed time for an hour playing chicken fight on each other’s shoulders. When the time came we all went over to that guy’s house and practically harassed him until he took us out for a ride, we had soo much fun and I’m pretty sure I proved my point that it was more than worth the wait. I got hurt playing on the banana boat so walking back to the resort was a pain in the bum but we got some ice cream that naturally made everything better in the world. Thursday was our last day in Trang so we pilled on to a few pick-up trucks and made our way to the botanical gardens. We walked through the coolest rain forest looking botanical garden and walked on a skywalk in the trees. About 10 min into the walk im sure it looked like I had taken a shower, it was so very hot and it was slightly raining just to make it worse. Im pretty sure if it wasn’t for Alex I would of fallen on my face at least twice, there was a moss layer on the floor and I had chosen the most horrible shoes to wear typical me. We saw monkeys, love trees, a cute squirrel and had some more ice cream and then we got back on the pick-up truck and made our way through the city singing All summer long by Kid Rock. We went to 7 eleven because how can we sit on the train for 14 hours and not go to 7 eleven, and then we said some sad goodbyes. The train ride was filled with homesick tears, card games, laughter and joking, after I was so sure I would not like these people I had found space in my heart for them and there they will stay. It’s amazing how quickly friendships can form and just how much people can mean to you after such a short amount of time. I am so grateful that I met them

Orientation part 1

The trips I went on during my exchange are where I made some of the best memories I have about my exchange year. The trips are where I made friendships with the other exchange students that will last a lifetime. The trips are where I got to see some places in Thailand that I would never have been able to see otherwise. When I heard I would be going on a trip to the south of Thailand I was more than excited because had never been to the South and I really wanted to go. When I heard I was going to attend the orientation for the new exchange students I was happy because I would meet new people but I was also a bit apprehensive about these new and strange people. I don’t know why I always think new people are strange? I don’t even know them yet why in the world would I think they are strange, but I do. I never expected it to end the way it did.

On the afternoon of the 9^th only a few hours after we had picked up Cienna from the airport me and Cienna got on the train in our city and started a 14 hour train ride to the province of Trang in the South of Thailand. When we got to the train station it was like my first trip all over again, there were these foreigner people and your pretty sure they are exchange students (after a while it’s like exchange students give off a certain type of energy that other exchange students can pick up on) but you don’t know if you should talk to them or just wait until they talk to you and you see them and you know they see you and you know they will be the people you spend your whole year with but right you have no idea how to handle the situation. Luckily we had our host parents who knew each other and pushed us all together for our first group photo. There is something about a group photo that breaks the ice in a weird way, you have something to talk about and usually that something is how irritating it is that we have to take another group photo! At the train station I met Paula, Paula is from Estonia and the very first thing you notice about her is that she is very tall; the second thing you notice about her is she is very pretty. Next to her I saw a shy looking girl called Imke, Imke is from Germany and sadly she is only a short term exchange student but she proved to me over and over again just how wrong first impressions can be, she looked shy and a bit unsure and turned out to be amazing. Then I met Johanna, Johanna is also from Germany, she is quite and caring and really nice. Hiding behind most of the girls was Kenny a boy from Taiwan who hardly speaks any English but who I think is so nice. The person who was impossible to miss was Caroline the super pretty girl from Denmark, she is sooo pretty and has the longest blondest hair she is just so nice and so funny and I learnt to love her very much. After we all met and talked a little bit we got on the train and talked about what they thought about their families and their homes and what they had seen of Thailand so far. The next person to get on the train was Daiki, Daiki is from Japan and I think Daiki should have his own fan club he is just the coolest person ever and he doesn’t even try. The last person who got on the train somewhere around 2AM was Zack, Zack is from America and a pretty weird but nice guy. When we got to our train station we got off got some snacks (witch I did not eat who on earth can eat at 4 AM??) then got into a van and drove to our resort right on the beach outside a small town in Trang. We got our room numbers put way our stuff away and then met the rest of the exchange students. The first girl I met at the resort is Kelly, Kelly is from the US. The next girl is Mia, Mia is just such a nice, real, funny girl from Canada and she made my day so many times. Next was Alex, Alex is also from the US and Alex became such a big part of my last months! The first day the Orientation proved to be one of the best days of my exchange; we all got into a boat and made our way through the water. The whole time we were on the boat I kept thinking these are not my people I have my people already and these are not them, they are nothing like my people I wish my people where here. I really missed the exchange students so much right then. We stopped at a place that just looked like a huge pile of rocks in the ocean and all got off the back of the boat wearing life jackets and found a rope in the water they told us to look for. We held onto the rope with one hand and onto each other’s lifejackets with the other hand and made our way into a cave. As soon as we went into that cave my jaw dropped. The rope only goes about 2 meters into the cave after that you are on your own. As soon as you are inside the cave you can hardly see the person right in front of you but you can see the crystal clear emerald blue water, you can see your legs moving around, you can see the water rippling because of all the people trying to move through it. You can’t see the roof of the cave but you can hear  the water bashing against the sides of the cave, you see the roof every time the water comes in and pushes you up and then halfway out again though, you can feel the walls of the cave covered in clams and your heart stops a little bit every time a huge leaf touches your body. You take three steps forward and two steps back every time a wave makes its way into the cave and the whole time you are trying to hold on to the person in front of you trying not to be ripped in two. It’s so pitch black but every now and then a flashlight or something makes some light and you see all these shadow figures on the walls. The out of nowhere there a light at the end of the tunnel and once you move out of the cave you are in a secluded little beach with a jungle like area just behind the beach, huge rock walls on all sides some covered in plants some dripping with water. You just kind of sit on the beach with tiny little waves going over your feet and you know you are there but you struggle to believe your eyes because it’s all just so picture perfect that it seems impossible that you could really be where you are almost blinded by the ice blue water of a private beach. Eventually we all had to snap out of our daze and start making our way out of the cave again and I kept looking back as if I just needed to save it into my brain just a little bit more but at some point you are just surrounded by black again. We got back onto the boat and all you could hear around you was people saying wow, wow, wow. We all got our snorkelling gear and got into the water again at our next stop. As soon as you put your face into the water and open your eyes it’s like you somehow made your way into a different and magical world nobody ever told you existed. There are fish everywhere, you see them all around, you feel then rub up next to you as they swim past you, there are so many colours and so many shapes and the water is so clear and so blue and then you see all the rocks and all the coral and all the crevices and little creatures and it’s all just so amazing that it feels like you need to remind yourself to breath. We broke into groups of three and me, Cienna and Alex went swimming saw the most amazing things and pointed things out to each other as if we wanted to make sure none of us missed a single little thing. After an hour in the water we got back onto the boat climbed onto the very top of the 2 story bus and jumped off. There are no words in the world that could describe that memory. You are surrounded by the most breathtakingly blue waters on all sides and it’s so clear that you can see the fish all the way from the top off the boat, u see all these little black and green islands and you feel the sun shining down on you then you count to three and you jump. The next stop we got into the water again and swam all the way to the little beach, ran away from monstrous looking crabs, found fresh cave water, wrote our names in the sand as if we could somehow claim the beach ours. Then we swam all the way to the other side of the island and started finding all the characters from Nemo. We swam away from scary baby jelly fish and tried not to step on deadly looking spikes in the coral all while trying to figure out how all of this could really be true, how all of this could really be right here, and always here. It’s like seeing magic for the very first time you can see it with your very own eyes but right then you can’t make your brain believe it’s real. We stayed in the water until they called us back and told us we don’t leave now we will be late. I looked back after a while and its like looking at a picture except you are in it.

After a very eventful day with my class I slept in the morning of the 8^th, I got up I cleaned my room and then I spent the day with my host family. that night at 9 PM we all got into a van and made our way to the airport to fetch the new exchange student in our family Cienna Wall. Cienna is from Portland Oregon in the US and I will be spending the last two months of my exchange with this crazy little girl. We got to the airport at 10:45 and went to get something to eat because in typical Thai style we were hungry. We ended up just getting bubble tea and then going down to get Cienna. Walking into the arrival area of the airport was like walking into a Rotary meeting. Rotarians everywhere, taking pictures, talking and laughing all waiting to welcome yet another exchange into their lives, to have somebody in their houses, around their family and their children and they all looked super excited! I wondered if I would ever be standing in the airport waiting to welcome an exchange student into my house.  Finding Cienna was super easy. We saw this little tiny girl walking next to this really tall guy and then she saw us too and smiled her big smile and that was it. We lifted up the banner with her name and her picture on it and she came over to us and her Thailand picture experience started with her first few pictures with us in the airport. Seeing her being all confused and disorientated and not understanding the people around her and not knowing what to do I just could not help but think about when I first arrived in Thailand, how scared I was, how confused I was, how badly I just wanted everything to be understandable and okay and I just wanted to help her and make sure she was okay. We asked if she wanted to eat (because this is Thailand) and then we went home. It’s weird when you were always the new one and now all of a sudden somebody else is the new one. All of a sudden it seems like people expect you to know everything, and be okay with everything and teach the next exchange student everything. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind being the older sister but  I am also still learning, I am also still an exchange student, I am also new at this even if I have been here for a few months. Yes I want to help her yes I want to teach her everything I know and try to be the best big sister I can, I just want to still be learning as well and that is proving to be hard. Cienna is a mixture of caffeine and fire crackers crammed into a little body and covered in sweetness. She is so so nice and she seems to forever be smiling, sure she is A LOT to handle sometimes and sometimes I want to push her out of the car but at the end of the day she is just an amazing little girl and you can never really be sad if you are around her she is just so busy and so full of energy that she rubs off on you after a while! We got home on the morning of the 9^th at 2 AM and went to bed. At 11 AM we went to Cienna’s first Rotary meeting and once again I thought about my first Rotary meeting, getting flowers and smiles and pats on the back but I also remember being so intimidated by all the ladies looking at me like “mmmmm what will she be like? Will we like her? Will she try? Will she be worth our effort?” it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and nobody has even told you what they expect from you, it’s scary. Yet here I am, and I have been here for 9 months and I am thinking they don’t hate me? Nobody told me how hard exchange would be or just how much I would really get from it.

Time is flying by right now and it feels like things are happening just one thing after another. On the 6^th of August my school was invited to attend a show on Thai history and Thai traditions and my class asked me if I wanted to go with them. Normally going to see this show would be very very expensive and foreigners love going to see that show because it is so amazing and holds a world record for the highest stage in the world and the sow with the 2^nd most set changes so clearly I said I wanted to go. Now you guys know I have complained about Thai time many times before but that day Thai time saved me! The morning that we were supposed to go to the show we had an issue at home and I was 20 min late for the bus and I was so sure I had missed the bus and I wouldn’t be able to go but hey when we got to the bus 20 min late the bus was still there, one time that I was grateful for Thai time. So we got onto the bus and made our way to Bangkok, let me just say that you have not seen Thailand if you have not been on a bus full of teenage Thai girls. They played Thai music and every single girl sang and danced along on the bus because hey who listens to road rules?  I laughed so much on that bus I think I started to get a six pack. Thai girls are so innocent and young it just feels like they don’t have care in the world and that is such a nice change in attitude I love it so much. When we got to the place where the show is we got to walk through a replica of a traditional Thai village and we got to try and farm rice and see the different types of traditional houses and see the way people make their living in different parts of the country and I thought it was really nice. Its so different to go to all of those places and seeing it all and then going to all of those places right next to each other and seeing the differences right next to each other you learn so much from it. We all got lunch from our school so I thought it was quite fun that we filled up the whole dining hall but we brought our own food. We went into the hall for the show and we were with 3 other schools in a 2000 seat hall. We were a bit early for the show so they put on a questionnaire on the screen and I have never seen high school students get so happy over a questionnaire before. Once again just the complete change in attitude you only get to see if you go to school in Thailand, the whole time I was thinking that if they showed that questionnaire to my school nobody would even pay attention to it but here they were like jumping up and down when they get one of the questions right. I wish I could bottle some of this childish optimism they have in abundance here and take some of it back with me and go and sprinkle it over my school. The show was more than amazing, not even the show the stage is enough to make it worthwhile! One second there is rain the next there isn’t, then there is a river then there isn’t, then we are in the forest then we are in the ocean then there are people flying over the sage then people are hanging by their feet from the roof. The show started by showing us the way people lived there lives a 100 years ago in different parts of Thailand and how trade was established between Thailand and China and how the King made the country better and how much everybody loves the King. The second act was about the different Buddhist traditions and how people celebrate them then and now with a short story behind each tradition. The last part of the show was about the different parts of Buddhist afterlife. The last part upset me a little bit, I’ not exactly sure why it just felt so strange to see what they believe afterlife is like, it’s the complete opposite of what I have always been taught the afterlife is and yes I have heard it so many times here in Thailand but actually seeing it and seeing how my friends around me reacted to it all hit close to home and it upset me a little bit but I just took a deep breath remembered my orientation before I came to Thailand and said the magic words “it’s not better it’s not worse it’s just different”  I am pretty sure I sat through that whole show with my mouth hanging wide open. That show was so much more than I ever could of imagined and I am so happy that I had the opportunity to go with my school because I don’t think I would have had another opportunity to go. It’s really amazing all the opportunities that come on your path that you could of missed so easily.

Feeling like you fit in is a weird feeling especially when you still very much stand out in a room of local people. I never thought this point would come but hey I was wrong because here it is. When you first get to a different country you feel like a tourist and you almost feel like it is okay to be different. Then you start feeling like you should do something be me more like the local people, so you change the way you walk, talk, dress, speak, act and you start to feel a little bit like you fit in. Once you live in a different country for a while you are used to it but you still don’t feel like you belong, then you start looking towards new things you could possibly change to fit in and at some point you start changing the way you think about things and to me that was the hardest point because when you talk to people here your thoughts match but when you talk to people back home you thoughts don’t match and when you’re on your own and you think of decisions you made in the past they don’t match with the way you think now and once again you feel a little lost within yourself. But then out of nowhere you wake up and you just feel okay with fitting in right now where you are and you feel like you will worry about the future when you get there. It’s so amazing to be able to talk to people in this foreign country and feel like you are talking about the same things, like you realise the same issues, know the same people, can fight about where to buy the best food and have friends in common. It’s so amazing to me that this could be possible in a country where I have only been for 8 months, where 8 months ago I knew nothing about the way of life here and I could never ever fight with a local about food. At the same time you start feeling that you have a day to day life, you don’t look for things to do, you don’t look for things to keep you busy, you are perfectly fine with just staying at home with the host family and being bored because you well you are bored at your own house as well. To some other exchange students this point came much earlier and to some exchange students this point never came. I have to say that this point makes your whole mood about exchange differently; it makes you look at your friends and host family differently. I catch myself looking at my friends talking amongst themselves and even though I know I still have more than 2 months in Thailand I know in my heart I will truly miss them. The same goes for your host family, I sit at the dinner table eating with them when I just look at them thinking they are like a real family to me and I can’t imagine not having these dinners. It’s a weird feeling knowing you will go home soon and this life you built or yourself will go away. You will go back to the life your family built with you, the life you kind of had no choice in. I am aware that I am using the word weird a lot in this blog post but that (along with strange) is the only way I can explain it because you realise it at the strangest times and you don’t really know how you feel about it and there isn’t really anything you can do about it. When I look at how much time I have left it feels like an insane amount of time but if I look back and see how much time has passed it feels like it went past in a heartbeat and telling yourself to make the best of the time you have left is hard because it feels like you still have an eternity when in reality time is ticking away so much faster than I even realise.

Right now I am the only exchange student in my district. Everybody else has gone home and the new group has not arrived yet. Right now I really see how much I relied on the other exchange students in my group. I miss them so much I don’t even know how to explain it in words. Anybody who was not an exchange student will not know what I am talking about. You only spend about a month of your exchange year together and you only met each other here in Thailand but they are the only people who fully know what you are going through because they are going through it with you right now, they are right there with you right now. I miss them so much I really hope I will see them all again one day

I thought I would tell you guys about my birthday today even though it’s a while back I thought I would catch up because it really was an awesome day. So the day before my birthday I was really super bummed out and sad because I am so far away from my family. Yes I have spent many birthdays away from my family but then I would be with my best friends. It just felt different knowing I was so far away from my family and I wouldn’t get phone calls from my family members as usual or stay up until midnight with my best friend just so that she could be the first one to say happy birthday. Eventually I just went to bed and let it go because I knew things would be different on exchange there is no point being sad about it. At midnight I got a call from Juvan and trust me I was not expecting that. After that I went to bed pretty happy because if that could happen who knows what else could happen on my birthday. I woke up to an amazing message from my best friend  and then my mom and biebie called me and sang happy birthday to me even though it was 2 Am in South Africa so that was so amazing. Then I went to school and got to see my friends and have everybody say happy birthday to me. My host grandmother gave me money to buy me and all my friends’ pizza and have it delivered to school. It’s amazing how anybody can change into a super spy when you are trying to hide pizza from all the food stealing people in your class. They found us anyway and ate all of our pizza but hey it’s okay they bought me a cake and surprised me so that was really nice. I got home and Skyped with my mom and biebie and my dad and my sister so it was really nice. Then I had dinner with the whole family and I really loved it. My host grandmother made me traditional super long Chinese noodles to represent a long life and she also made me a great chocolate cake. My host mom made sure I was happy all day and got me the greatest gifts I asked for. My host uncle and aunt got me an amazing ice cream cake and a really pretty shirt. The best part of the day was just having dinner with all of the people from my host family, talking and laughing and just having a really good day when I felt like it would have been a horrible day I had a really great time!

The day after my birthday my host mom took me to Bangkok to see the new Transformers movie. We went shopping and I bought myself some presents. The movie was so great and I was laughing so much! Then we had really great dinner and went home and I love love spending days with my host mom. We always have things to talk about and laugh about and spending days with her always makes me feel like I am in-between family.

It’s weird how small things can make such a big difference in your life. How great days can cancel the other bad days out and make it feel like nothing is really that bad. I only have about 3 months left in Thailand and now I feel for the first time like I am really going to miss Thailand and the people in it! I am starting to feel at home